ASK AVIGAIL is an advise giver and sage who lives during Biblical times. A fan writes to her, and asks if she could share her story with AA readers.

A woman of velour, who can find? She would hide, rather than be caught dead in last year's fashion line. She is thrifty and frugal, and that's a nice way of putting it. The heart of her husband trusts in her, he lacks no gain, yet his wallet yields loss. And yet, when she gently prods him with constructive criticism ("HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?") she does so with goodness, with no evil or malice. He eagerly lives out all the days of her life, and takes a hefty insurance policy lest fate should take a cruel mallet and whack her one. She seeks out wool and flax and lets someone else have the 'mitzvah' of weaving them into curtains and throws. She is known for her 'chesed' and is also a good tipper (even during the 'early bird' specials).  She never raises a harsh voice or hand to the help, even the time the seamstress accidentally sewed stripes horizontally and made her mistress's hips look like the entire Phoenician navy.

She is like the merchant ships that bring take-outs from afar. She rises at the beckoning of her senile rooster whom you can't get a peep out of till a quarter past ten. She rises while it is still night to eat her portion of cake. She gives food to her household and basks in their unsolicited accolades. The Pepto is passed, and 'refuah sheloimahs' are said for a quick recovery. She sets out the tasks for her maids. She considers buying a fabric shop in Hebrew Heights from her own earnings of undisclosed venture capital. She skimmed the butter and egg money, yet kept her husband's cholesterol levels in check. She girdles her loins in control top spandex for strength and a sleek line, and flexes her arms. She moans, "Imagine seeing Jell-O for the first time!" She makes a note not to let her gym membership get past due. She realizes the potential in this new enterprise; her lamp doesn't go out as it never went on. Her husband approves of his wife's new business. Though she turns a profit, she gives charity to the poor with alacrity and relish, whichever they prefer, and whether they are planning on milk or meat for dinner. She does not fear for her household in the frost for they are garbed warmly. She did not haggle with Shmulevitz the 'Shmatamonger'. Instead, she wrangled triumphantly at a Persian merchant's store, NOT WITHOUT MY DISCOUNT.

 Her linens are of 300 count Egyptian cotton, but she has rid them of the symbols of their bondage, as well as the logo of the Geza Hilton. Her household sleeps as free men, however, if no-iron percale could talk! She watches the conduct of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness – for the new bakery makes fat-free 'rogalach'. Her children rise and acclaim her, her husband declares that her deeds far surpass the value of rubies and diamonds. Yet she assures her husband that he shall not fail if he so wishes to purchase some. Yea, they are a weak comparison, but she shall make them do. "Try me," she implores demurely. Her husband replies, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught." He will have none of that here! And so he didn't. 'Hashem' had blessed him.

A woman of velour, who can find? Honey drips off her tongue and leaves a  permanent stain. She smiles, and makes a mental note to call Tille Waxbaum and get the name of the plastic slipcover nomad. 

Shashi Ishai, humorist/cartoonist lives in Netanya and came to live in Israel in 2009.