About 30 years ago, an Englishwoman (let’s call her Susan) decided that she identified with the Jewish people in their homeland and that she would immigrate to Israel and make a new life for herself. Susan went through the process of converting to Judaism and arrived with great hopes, but with little in the way of savings and no immediate prospects.

Susan studied and eventually found work, mainly part time, in her chosen field. Life was not easy, consisting largely of a never-ending struggle to make ends meet. However she also made friends and entertained the usual dreams of marriage and her own family.

Medical problems prevented Susan ever conceiving her own children. After a while, her frustrated maternal instincts overcame any natural caution and she took another fateful decision. Susan traveled to a far-distant country, found work, and after a year or so she managed to accumulate the resources necessary to adopt two very young children, a boy and a girl, with whom she returned proudly to Israel. The conscious decision to adopt two offspring stemmed from the feeling that whatever happened to her, they would always have each other.

Her friends sympathized with her instincts but were in the main horrified at what most saw as an act of exceptional irresponsibility, given her precarious financial situation.

Susan embarked on the difficult process of converting her two children to Judaism, an act required in order to entitle them to Israeli citizenship. This included a dramatic change in her own lifestyle in order to meet the requirements of the religious authorities. She also managed to buy, with the help of a significant mortgage, a tiny apartment and outside yard on the ground floor of a very old building and set out to make a home for herself and her new family.

If life had been hard before, it became immeasurably harder. A stubborn and proud woman, Susan at first refused any kind of help, but then reluctantly began to accept small ‘loans’ from friends, always with the promise that these would be repaid, but without the ‘lenders’ being under any illusions in this regard. Susan did all she could to work hard and keep the home functioning, and somehow managed to feed, clothe and provide the bare necessities for her children. Despite all her efforts, however, the children grew up with a sense of being relatively deprived, and this left its mark on the boy in particular. His teenage years were fraught with difficulties and now in his early twenties, he is lacking in responsibility, self-discipline and the ability to get and hold a steady job. He does not contribute financially, and neither does the daughter, although she is at least studying and shows prospects of being able to help out in due course.  Susan blames herself for the deficiencies of her children, stemming as she sees it from her own deficiencies as a mother and a provider.

Two months ago, half a lifetime of struggle took its toll. Susan suffered a stroke, is now speech-impaired, partially paralyzed, wheelchair bound, and with little prospect of being able to work ever again. Her stubborn streak is nonetheless unimpaired, and she refuses any suggestion that she move to a permanent retirement or nursing institution, insisting that she wants to return home and be with her children. Her friends, old and new, are rallying round and doing what needs to be done in order to make this possible. The practical and financial difficulties are many. Money is needed to make the home compatible to Susan’s needs, full-time care is required, her entitlement to State benefits is very limited and her children cannot be turned into responsible providers overnight.

One cannot but sympathize with Susan, a woman who wanted only to have children to love and chose to bring up two forsaken children in the Jewish tradition. Yet there are those who will say that she is responsible for her own situation. Not for the cruel stroke of fate that has robbed her of her faculties, but for her decision to take upon herself a burden she couldn’t adequately handle. However, we all make mistakes in life and trust that our children will not suffer too greatly from those mistakes. The existing situation is a ‘given’ and the family needs real and immediate help. Any dilemma about the extent of moral responsibility to make up for the failings of another human being is secondary to the task of putting food on the family’s table next week.

What is extraordinary is that help has been forthcoming from just about everyone in the know. From friends who knew Susan all those years ago in England, from old friends here, and from people she barely knew before her latest misfortune. This help has come in all forms, but most especially in the dedication of much time and effort to cope with all the practical necessities. And this help has been given without hesitation, notwithstanding criticism of her decisions, criticism of her stubbornness and criticism of the children. By calling this ‘extraordinary’ perhaps I mean that it takes a dilemma like this to bring out the best in people. Or perhaps I should be less critical of our egocentric Israeli society today, and admit to myself that it isn’t extraordinary at all.