Ruminations

• Ever notice how guys socialize by insulting each other but they don’t really mean it? And gals socialize by complimenting each other and they don’t mean it either?

• There should be an “I’m cooking” button on smoke detectors.

• My “check engine” light being on for the last eight months was less disconcerting than when it suddenly turned off this morning.

• Nothing rekindles lightning-fast memories of every questionable decision you’ve made lately like getting a text saying, “I need to talk to you.”

• Want to screw up something you’re really good at? Just say the magic words, “Watch this.”

• Donald Duck is the original Angry Bird.

• Despite all logic telling me otherwise, some part of me still believes that clicking the link again will make it load faster.

•  Isn’t it about time that we were able to insert our credit cards directly into the computer, rather than spending 10 minutes typing out every word and number that’s on its surface?

• Charging for internet in a hotel is like charging for napkins at a restaurant.

• A Brief History of our Times: As television became flatter, people became rounder.

• When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

• I wish I had sex as often as I get screwed.

 A Look at Books

`A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read it.
Mark Twain

One always tends to overpraise a long book because one has got through it.
E.M. Forster

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.
Anthony Burgess

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
Frank Zappa

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second biggest is diet books – how not to eat what you have just learned how to cook.
Andy Rooney

Books are for writing – not for reading.
Quentin Crisp

The ideal summer book is the size of a major appliance, a book that can’t get lost in the sand, a book that won’t suddenly run out of words on you when you are far from civilization.
Dave Barry

Whether it is fun to go to bed with a good book depends a great deal on who is reading it.
Kenneth Patchen

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
Oscar Levant