Photo by Kurtis Garbutt, flickr.com

"Mama, please may I leave the table," my granddaughter said at Shabbat lunch - in Hebrew, because that's our language together.

Mind-boggling isn't it? How many of the things which were considered good manners when we were growing up are still applicable? Is it still taboo to put your elbows on the table? Eat peas with any upturned fork? (Which was always OK if you're American, and not allowed if you're English.) Speak with your mouth full of food?

Of course Israeli table manners are a law unto themselves and although I don't want to get into Israeli-bashing I have to ask if anyone else on earth eats their food crouched over their plate with elbows jutting out horizontally? This was once explained to me as a throwback to army days where, if you didn't protect your portion of 'luf' in this way, you might find it disappearing from your plate if you blinked.

Having said that, the worse exhibition of bad table manners and disgusting eating I have seen recently was by an American-born academic.

A quick Google of table manners reveals a multitude of articles and basically I can report that etiquette has not moved with the times. What was right at the end of the nineteenth century is still applicable at the beginning of the twenty-first. That's because so many of the rules are logical extensions of being considerate to fellow diners. Talking with your mouth full of food is obviously a no-no because a mouth full of half-chewed food is repulsive in any culture.

However, some of the rules do seem to have been arbitrarily invented. While it is obvious that one does not slurp one's soup, why does the bowl have to be tipped away? I suppose it's so that if you miscalculate you don't end up with a lap full of soup.

Elbows on the table are still as bad as ever, but everyone does it. The correct etiquette is never elbows, but you may occasionally rest your wrists on the edge of the table if you wish.

Napkins should never be folded up at the end of a meal but thrown casually on the table. This is because you know it is going to be laundered, not used again. It's amazing how many guests will sedulously fold up their used napkin, thinking they are being helpful.

Finger foods - now there's a minefield. Artichokes can't be eaten any other way, chicken is allowed, but lamb bones aren't. Bread rolls should be eaten by breaking off little pieces. Asparagus should be eaten with the fingers, unless doused in sauce, but try doing that here and you will get disapproving looks from the hostess who does't know the rules.

Never start to eat until everyone has been served unless the hostess pleads with you to begin so the food won't go cold. Never reach across the for the salt but ask for it to be passed.

Use of toothpicks is another minefield. For all those unaware people who think it's OK to conduct excavations inside their mouths and occasionally wave the toothpick in the air to emphasize a point, it's not. A hand should cover all that digging activity.

It goes without saying that phones should be turned off at formal dinners. Can you email your next day bread and butter call to thank the hostess? I doubt it.

When it comes to old-fashioned etiquette, nothing has really changed.