Illustration by Denis Shifrin

Just in case you hadn’t heard, Madonna is coming to Israel on 29^th May to give a concert in the Ramat Gan football stadium. If you knew about this, you might have also heard that a Madonna fan has appealed on a Facebook page to the Prime Minister, Binyamin Netanyahu, not to attack Iran before the concert, and more than 700 other fans have added their names to this appeal.

Hmmm….

Think what you like about our Prime Minister, but is it really conceivable that he could be influenced about if and when to take a strategic decision of this magnitude by the pleas of hedonists with nothing better to think about? I know that that every politician needs to be loved, but really!  I think I am going to eavesdrop on the urgent cabinet meeting called by the PM in the wake of this appeal.

PM: So what are we going to do about this Madonna business?

Minister A: There is an important point of principle here. We were elected in order to reflect the wishes of the electorate. If this is what the people want, it surely isn’t going to make much difference if we put off making any decision for another couple of months.

Minister B: If we are going to do that, let’s wait until after June 8^th and keep the Gay Pride parade people happy too.

Minister C: The football association is negotiating to bring Manchester United to Israel for a friendly match against the national team in July. Best wait until after then.

Minister D: I had a call yesterday from Itzik Tshuva. He said that recent analyses confirm that his, sorry, the offshore natural gas fields are far larger than previously believed, and that we really shouldn’t do anything to put these natural assets at risk.

PM: Believe it or not, I had a phone call last week from Tzipi. She said that she was appealing to my sense of fair play and that it was only right that she should have a chance to be prime minister one day, preferably of an undamaged country, so would we please not rock the boat until after the next elections.

Minister E: The air force would welcome a short delay. The tender for upgraded ice-cream dispensers in all F15 and F16 aircraft is still to be decided.

Minister F: Please! All these selfish, partisan interests are making me feel quite sick. There are far more serious issues at stake. My party’s supreme religious advisor has just confided to me that the Messiah is definitely going to come the Rosh Hashana after next. So provided that we are quite sure that Iran won’t have a bomb by then, all we have to do is wait and the problem will go away.

PM: Fine. I have listened to you all, and I am now going to make my final decision. A parliamentary commission will be established immediately, empowered to listen to the views of any citizen, and charged with submitting recommendations within one month, on the basis of which I will make my final decision about when I am going to make my final decision…

I am going to make sure that I get a chance to give evidence before this commission. It is important that the PM understands that my daughter, who is still single, should be allowed to find a good man, get married, and produce a grandchild or two before any rash decisions are taken. He must also be informed that my son, who has just started studying for a B.A. abroad, needs to get his degree before being recalled for reserve duty. My wife the Ph.D. needs to publish a few more articles before she can apply for a professorship. If the PM wants my vote next time, he had better take account of the real issues facing his electorate.