On Marriage

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” Mae West 1893-1980

“Marriage is not a word but a sentence.”  Unknown

“I was married once. Now I just lease.”  From the movie “Buddy, Buddy”

“I married beneath me. All women do.” Lady Nancy Astor 1879-1964

“Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river.”  Haitian proverb

On books and writers

“Every novel should have a beginning, a muddle and an end.” Peter de Vries

“A manuscript, like a foetus, is never improved by showing it to somebody before it is completed.”  Unknown

“Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.”  Russell Lynes

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.”  Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865

“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.” Herman Wouk

Miscellaneous

“Never eat more than you can lift.”  Miss Piggy

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”   Bill Cosby

“I met a guy once who was half Italian and half Chinese. His name was Video Pong.”    Unknown

Parker’s Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”  From Murphy’s Law

“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.” Jim Backus

“Only the shallow know themselves.”  Oscar Wilde 1854-1900

“Talk is cheap because it exceeds demand.” Unknown

“Nature has given us two ears but only one mouth.” Benjamin Disraeli 1804-1881

“It takes a great man to make a good listener.” Arthur Phelps 1813-1875

Ruminations

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

The people aren't silent, the Government is deaf!

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.

Cogito ergo sumo: I think therefore I am a huge fat wrestler.

Always remember your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

And on the 8th day God said: "Ok Murphy, you take over.”

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape, right?

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Bad spellers of the world Untie!

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.

Lottery:  a tax on people who are bad at math.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble-wrap is cheap. You choose.

Music soothes the savage beast ... unless it's polka.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

Toughest years of marriage are those after the wedding.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Earth is full. Go home.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.