By Jennia Chodorov

One morning, a 7 year old asks his mom "Where did people come from?" Mom tells him that we are all descendants of Adam and Eve.

When his Dad returns from work that evening, he asks his Dad," Where did people come from?" His Dad explains about evolution and that we are descended from the apes.

Puzzled, the boy tells his mom about what Dad said and asks "So which one of you is right?" Mom says, "We both are, dear. It's very simple – my family came from Adam and Eve and your Dad's family came from the apes!"

Submitted by: Esther Meller

Kids Are Quick 
Teacher:  Maria, go to the map and find North America. 
Maria: Here it is. 
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? 
Class: Maria. 
Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
John: You told me to do it without using tables. 
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
Donald:  H I J K L M N O. 
Teacher: What are you talking about? 
Donald:  Yesterday you said it's H to O.  

Teacher: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
Winnie: Me! 
Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
Simon:  No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
Teacher:  Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? 
Clyde :    No, sir. It's the same dog. 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
Harold:  A teacher. 

Submitted by: Linda Isaacs

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, for The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10.  When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11.  Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12.  It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13.  Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.  If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15.  Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry, God never blinks.

16.  Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18.  Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.  It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.  When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take ‘no’ for an answer.

21.  Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie, don’t save them for a special occasion. Today is special.

22.  Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23.  Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24.  The most important sex organ is the brain.

25.  No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26.  Frame every so called disaster with these words, “In five years, will this matter?”

27.  Always choose life.

28.  Forgive everyone and everything.

29.  What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.  Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

31.  However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32.  Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33.  Believe in miracles.

34.  God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35.  Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36.  Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37.  Your children get only one childhood.

38.  All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39.  Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40.  If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41.  Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42.  The best is yet to come.

43.  No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44.  Yield.

45.  Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.